Shattered Reflection; Layers of Me – Bhumika Chhangchha Rai

Mallory’s whole life was isolating herself from people. She hated how she looked. Sitting at her mother’s old vanity, her eyes closed as she brushed her fur, which she had never cute, since she would hide away in it. So, one would see what she looked like. She heard a shattering sound. Her eyes opened. Once she caught sight of reflection,
she felt anger, insecurity, disgust and making her forget about the sound. Quickly, Mallory balls up her hands tightly, all the frustrations getting to her head, then without a thought, smashes the mirror, shattering the mirror. “I don’t look like this,” she mumbles. Then looking down at a broken mirror, she yells. “I can’t look like this!” Stomping her foot on the already broken mirror breaking it to smaller pieces.
The big ugly wolf stumbles on the floor, bawling herself up, her fur covering her body like a blanket, exhausted by her anger, she starts to cry. Mallory was irritated, she didn’t want to cry. , but the overwhelming emotions in her body just let it all out. “What God would let me live like this, what did I do in my past life to deserve this. . . ?” She cries. Mallory had never believed in any God or past lives, but she kept it as an option in her head.
After an hour of crying, her eyes were sore, there was no way she could cry anymore; she picked herself up, her face feeling bloated. Mallory wipes up the leftover tears with her fur like a towel, then picked up the shattered pieces of mirror, putting it in some rag. Later, Mallory walked out of her house and into the village to dispose of
it. Closing her eyes whenever someone passes; hiding in her long fur, until she found herself bumping into a pretty girl. Her long hair shined like the ocean under sunlight. Her eyes were green like emerald; she was truly beautiful. The girl stands up helping Mallory up; I am sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going? She said laughing it off. “Are you okay ma’am?” Not only was she beautiful, but she was also nice. Hesitating, Mallory introduced herself, “I am Mallory, and it is my fault…I was hiding in my- “The girl interrupted, my name is Lacey! And I’m 16, you?’ a slight pang of jealously hits her. How could someone so beautiful be only a year younger? When Mallory was her age, she looked nothing like Lacey and before she could answer her, Lacey was already walking past her. Out of jealousy and rage, she threw the mirror filled rag onto the ground, stomping back home. Her ears ringing and everything moving so slowly.

At house, Mallory founded a piece of the mirror she forgot to clean up, picking it up and looking at herself, and thinking of Lacey. Lacey was 16, looked like a goddess while she was basically and adult and looked like an ugly creature. At first, she had described herself as a big ugly wolf, but the more she looked at the mirror she morphed into a disgusting beast. Mallory couldn’t compare herself to a wolf. Wolves are beautiful creatures, which are strong and majestic in their own ways. “Do I look like this?” She denies the way she looks; she couldn’t accept it. Her face was morphing, and she got uglier and ugly by the second. Mallory felt shame and embarrassment that people had to look at her. She crawled onto her bed with the broken remains of the mirror and stared at herself. Not only was she ugly, but she also felt heavy, she felt like a walking waste of life. Mallory thought since she was ugly, she didn’t deserve to take care of herself. It started with small things like not brushing her hair or going outside. Then adrastic change being not taking showers, not brushing her teeth, and not eating or drinking water. All she did look into the mirror.

One day, Mallory sat up seeing Lacey, looking more beautiful than when they first met. Voice rough, “Lacey? What are you doing in my house…?” But instead of answering Lacey fades away, weakly, she lays back in bed. “Was I hallucinating?” Mallory mumbled, picking up the mirror, observing her plain ugly features then comparing herself to Lacey. Lacey was such a goddess; she probably never had a bad day where she looked off. The jealousy and envy sit in Mallory’s stomach, then decided to walk outside for fresh air. It has been a while since she even got up to do something; when she sat up her vision goes blurry then dark, making her feel dizzy, her stomach hurt. It was cramping stab like feeling. Mallory didn’t know what was happening to her, it was like her body was telling her something that she couldn’t understand.

Laying down, thinking she was only tried, she closed her eyes and didn’t get up until 2 am. She stirs awake looking around and realizing she wasted another day in bed. Instead of going back to sleep, she forces herself up to grab some
water and food. It has been weeks since she had anything. Once she came to the kitchen, Mallory started stuffing food into her mouth like a wild animal chugging water like crazy. She was so hungry and thirsty; she couldn’t stop herself. After eating foods, she felt better. Her body struggled to digest the foods, but it felt so good a euphoric boosted energy through in her body.

The memory of Lacey rushed into her head; a goddess compared to Mallory. She remembered the first interaction and how beautiful Lacey was, her beauty is making her feel ashamed of just breathing near her. Mallory didn’t even understand how she could just breath in the same air as Lacey and walked on the same floor as her. She sat on the floor of her kitchen and just comparing her to Lacey. They both had long hair but instead of blunt, messy, and tangled. Lacey’s hair was long, silky, and shined in the sun making it look like a gold. While she couldn’t even tell what her eyes looked like? Lacey’s eyes were a beautiful shade of green like a fresh field of grass which grew out of dirt. Mallory felt like a pile of dirt. Shame and guilt toppled over Mallory some more, deciding to go to bed and rot away again but she could not. If she went out in the morning people would see her, she was too embarrassed of herself. She knew the eyes would be all over her and not in a good way. Mallory went out to walk in the peace, no one can judge her but herself.

Once Mallory steeped outside, she saw how it was beautiful, the sky still dark, the stars were out, even the nature was more beautiful than her. What if she wasn’t even supposed to be here right now. Even though she thought that she felt like she had to be outside. She had spent so long hidden in her room. She was probably going to crazy. Walking outside made her feel alive. It was a small thing to make her feel so refreshed but sometime the small things that matter. Until Mallory sees Lacey, she was even more beautiful under the moonlight. What was she doing there? Mallory spoke up, Lacey? “Are you also outside at this hour?” Lacey looked over at her then responded, “Well, it is beautiful night, and I couldn’t sleep. ” Mallory came over to check out the garden. She walked over then replied “Very” keeping the replies to short realizing not only that she could see Lacey, but Lacey could see Mallory. Lacey picked up a flower, that was bell shaped flower, along with others in the same stem then hands it to Mallory, ” Lily of the valley, ’’ they are beautiful poisonous to human consumption. But they are pretty to look at a sign of bitterness and beauty. ” Lacey said looking up at the stars. Mallory nods, “Nature creates beautiful things. ” She said not knowing what to reply with, since Lacey sounds wise while still being casual then Mallory finds herself saying out loud. “How could someone be so smart, nice, and beautiful. It’s not fair. ” Lacey’s head turned back to Mallory, then question
“who?”

Mallory looked away in embarrassment, “I didn’t say anything. ” She said casually; Lacey smiled and started walking off, saying “It was nice talking to you…” Mallory quickly called out Mallory, my name is Mallory” guessing Lacey had forgotten her name. Lacey please, “you are very beautiful by the way. ” She said before heading off. The compliment which she had never received, that made Mallory a bit confused, happy and mix those feelings which she had never felt before. She felt those feelings in her face, her heart, and her soul. It was a warm feeling. Mallory felt euphoric and her euphoria felt even better since she hadn’t felt that way in a while. She looked down at a paddle, which was clear, she saw herself and smiled. She looked less and less like a beast; her face was lining up. Whenever Mallory looked at her reflection but didn’t feel anger or felt insulated by herself like she was.

Weeks had passed and Mallory looked more and more human, the townspeople didn’t react to her new look. They looked at her like they usually did which was no reaction. She had decided to give up her jealousy. It was hard just not to compare herself to Lacey. It took time for recovery, and she used that time to focus on herself. Later, Mallory knew she had to see Lacey. Lacey was the reason she looked normal again. But she was nowhere to be found, Mallory used to see Lacey everywhere. Now, she didn’t even bump into Lacey. It was like she had vanished. When Mallory would ask about Lacey to locals in the village, they’d act confused.

Years had passed and Mallory had learned to move from Lacey, of course she’d thought about her from time to time and ended up realizing she started to look more and more like Lacey; then the realization hit.